Friday, March 28, 2008

submissive vs slave

the following is from the site 'submission.org.uk-home of the sub sisters'

Definitions. You either love them or loathe them. Sometiems it can get to the point of listening to endless dialogues which seem to be going round in endless circles over two words, submissive and slave.
Why is it such a big deal to have a "label"? Why is it so important to call yourself a slave rather than a submissive? Is it like a status symbol maybe? i hope to answer some of these questions in this article. My thougths however are just that, mine, so you can bet someone somewhere will take great pleasure in arguing about my definitions too.
To my mind a submissive nature is something you are born with, just as dominants are born dominant. However not everyone recognises or wishes to explore their sexuality. They are quite happy in their vanilla world. Although i am a believer that even in the vanilla world one partner in any relationship will always be the more dominant one at any one time, i think many don't start to think about dormant desires and sexuality until they have had a tase of the vanilla world first.
The word submission in my dictionary is defined as as "humility, meekness, resignation, acceptance of authority, obedient conduct or spirit" This is a very vague and wide stretching definition in my view. Althought submissives, those who desire to submit to a person more dominant than themselves, also fall into a very broad catagory.
I think of submission on a sliding scale. At one end you have those in vanilla relationships who say like to be pinned down during otherwise vanilla sex through to the other end of the scale where someone is living 24/7 as fully Owned property.
Some may start at one end of the scale and slowly work their way along to a level they feel comfortable at and stay there, where others need to keep moving up the scale as they grow and blossom in their submission. There is no one right way, it is a very personal thing. What may appeal to one may well scare another.
However even among those in the D/s or M/s community there are those who will try and convince you you aren't a "real" sub or a "true" slave. You are what you are, and no-one has the right to put you down for what you beleive in just because it isn't their way, or isn't as extreme as they do things. Acceptance and tolerance should be things we should expect from a community that have all had in some form of another to hide what they are, and put up with negative condemnation by the media of our community of perverts and sadists.
One thing that does come out of the argument of slave vs sub is that all slaves are submissive, but not all submissives, slaves. So, a person can be both a sub and a slave, but where is the crossover point where a sub turns into a slave?
This is a good question. In theory i would say when a sub gives authority to her dominant for her life, and accepts that with that authourity she is giving up rights that a submissive would normally have, she becomes a slave. It doesn't mean she gives him permission to treat as her as a doormat, far from it, most slaves end up as cherished possessions, who can beg, plead and communicate completely and openly with their dominant, but who also knows that ultimately his desicion is final and binding. Once enslaved she can no longer leave the relationship, even if she wanted to. This point is one that many can't understand, and causes many arguments.
Not all submissives become involved in D/s (Dominant/submissive) relationships. Some subs are quite content to take part in roleplay sessions with either one or multiple partners. This doesn't make them any less a submissive than those in a full D/s relationship. If it is what they like to do and it makes them happy, and so long as they have safe calls and have ensured their safety it can be a lot of fun.
i know many subs who are married to vanilla partners, who are just not interested in getting involved in another relationship, but who partake of these kind of role play sessions. Their partners are happy to let them act out their fantasies, and feel quite safe as usually sexual intercourse is not part of the play, so they don't feel threatened.
Other subs will become quite attached to one particular Dominant. They will see each other fairly regularly, and while they are together they assume the roles of Dom and sub. Sometimes they are exclusive to each other, sometimes not. Sometimes sex will be involved, sometimes not. However, at the end of their session together they both assume vanilla roles and become equals again.
Some subs will take this role a little further, and will accept a Dom's control a little more, so that it is present all of the time in some form or other, in varying degrees. However she still has the right to turn round and give an oppinion and know that if she doesn't like what is happening, she can walk away at any time. Her dom has no real hold over her, and can't make her stay if she doesn't want to. So, to some extent she still regains a certain ammount of control over and say in the relationship.
Eventually we come to the 24/7 slave. She has no control, no authority, no say in what happens in the relationship. She has been enslaved using a combination of internal methods (ie psychological and emotional) reinforced by external methods (such as restraints, punishments, rituals) Although legally she may be physically free to leave the relationship at any time, as modern consensual slavery is not recognised by law, it is mentally impossible for her do to so.
Becoming a slave is not somethign that just happens overnight. It takes a lot of time, energy, patience, love, understanding, tolerance, communication, openess among many other things to develop into an M/s relationship. It is not something you enter into lightly, and it is certainly not the kind of lifestyle choice many submissives tend to want.
However as you can see anyone can say of themselves that they are a slave, it is after all just a word. It is those who lives their lives as 24/7 lifestyle slaves that often are the ones who will debate the definition of the word itself, and become most vocal when the deabte comes up.
Some submissives find their release through pain and S&M play, while others have a very low pain threshold and don't enjoy pain much at all. Some are naturally submissive, others like to be forced to submit. Some will be antagonistic towards the dominant in order to be punished, some like to serve their dom and do things for him like menial tasks, some would be appaled if asked to do this kind of thing. Some hate the thought of displeasing their dom and see it as a failure if they end up being punished. Others like to role play and be turned into schoolgirls, ponygirls, adultbabies.
As you can see explaining what makes up a submissive is very complex, because just as in any community there are many differing levels of intensity and diversity, so it is within submission too.
Basically it is all down to definition and tolerance. Be proud of what you are, believe in yourself, know that you are one of many, try not to judge others by your own standards, but most importantly accept people for what they are, not for the title they give themselves.

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(CrimDragon) and which do you feel you are, based simply from that site? sub... or slave?
(crimson^flame) sub, Master
* crimson^flame is not happy with her answer, but it's what was asked
(CrimDragon) and which part of the definition the site gives makes you feel you fit more closely with slave than sub?
(crimson^flame) In theory i would say when a sub gives authority to her dominant for her life, and accepts that with that authourity she is giving up rights that a submissive would normally have, she becomes a slave. It doesn't mean she gives him permission to treat as her as a doormat, far from it, most slaves end up as cherished possessions, who can beg, plead and communicate completely and openly with their
(crimson^flame) » dominant, but who also knows that ultimately his desicion is final and binding. Once enslaved she can no longer leave the relationship, even if she wanted to.

(CrimDragon) well done pet
(CrimDragon) good girl
(CrimDragon) you completed my task pet

Topic 1 - sub & slave

Go online. Find a web page that discusses the difference between sub & slave. Read. Tell me, based on JUST that page which you think you are.